So, you’ve just had a big breakup. First, this sucks, and I am so, so sorry. Feelings of ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could be’ are truly, very big and scary to face. Grab the tissues, and a Ryan Gosling movie, and snuggle in for my top tips all about… the First 5 Things to Do Following a Break Up.
1. Stay in Bed, For Just a Little While
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with feeling completely sorry for yourself and just a little bit hopeless following a big breakup. Chances are the last few weeks (and sometimes months) has taken a lot of energy from you. Maybe you’ve had sleepless nights, big arguments and you’ve almost certainly been trying to juggle all the other things expected of you in your life too.
So, it is because of this I say, why not give yourself some time to rest and recoup in style? I propose you buy the best ice cream that Woolies has to offer, a luxurious set of PJs and maybe even a new candle and some bedding too (all purchased online of course). This way, you can spend your time in, in style.
It might not be the worst idea to set yourself a timeframe for just how long you are prepared to stay in for though. We don’t want you to miss out on all the fabulousness that your next chapter has to offer.
2. Phone a Friend
Perhaps this is the most important tip I have. No matter what led to your breakup, how long in the making it was, how your friends feel about your ex- call them.
This is the time to lean on those around you, you can’t do it alone. No matter the water under the bridge, have your nearest and dearest come to you and give you all the hugs, chocolate and words of encouragement that you can.
I have no doubt that your best have some wild stories of their own breakups and endless wisdom to share. Reach out to new and old friends and call in the cavalry.
3. Get Out There
Now that you have called in the cavalry, it’s time to get social. I read online that, once your ready, you must accept every social invitation that you get following a breakup. See it as a challenge and for a set period of time, get out there.
This is a time where you can learn new things about yourself, break the habits that the comfort of your relationship caused you to form, and have some belly-laughing-unbelievable… fun!
4. Gift Time
There’s no better time for some good old-fashioned self-indulgence. My prescription for you is to choose one big, lovely, glorious gift for yourself and to make it happen.
There’s something about the anticipation of something wonderful coming to us that will bring you a few days or weeks of much needed excitement. After that, this one-big-thing will help you to put yourself first again, which is just so important.
5. Make a List
Finally, you’re now ready to look ahead. I think there’s something magic about the space of a year. An exercise that I always, without fail, do with my clients is this- I ask them to close their eyes and imagine themselves, all things going well, in twelve months time. What do they see?
It’s now time for you to make a list of all the wonderful things that you want to do and achieve in the next twelve months. It’s a year of you and doing what you love. Isn’t that possibility just so lovely?
One thing I know for sure? You’re going to be okay. A big break up is survivable, surmountable, and sometimes it’s the start of something really, really cool. It’s your time, my friend. Let’s dive right in!